Judgment

Read Matthew 25:31-45

What do we expect from the LORD...

Mercy; grace; love; forgiveness; patience; gentleness.

And we should expect his lovingkindness.. But do we expect His righteousness and his justice?

Do we expect or even prepare for His judgment?

I've been convicted lately as I've been evaluating my life and examining my actions. In a critical eye, I fall into the category of those who will "depart from" the LORD and the kingdom of heaven. I am saved and sanctified by Christ and his actions, not by my actions. However, when I examine who I am with the same critical eye that I judge business deals, politics, and friends/family I do not measure up or fulfill the requirements of a servant of God. I've accepted the culture and social status of being a SON OF THE MOST HIGH, and have become complacent.

Read Matthew 25:14-30.
That's what it comes down to. Am I an evil servant or a honorable servant? It's that black and white for Christ, so it must be black and white for me. It's easy to determine. What and who do I honor every day? Me? My TV? My computer? My agenda? Los Suns? The Cardinals? My clothes? My house? My job?

Do I spend multiple hours researching my favorite sports teams? Do I spend multiple hours glorifying my sports teams watching their games for 2 or 3 hours? Or spend an hour praising my favorite TV show? Or reading up on the current political and social changes locally and globally in order to what- serve others or argue with people that disagree with my opinion and prove my superior intellect and wisdom?

Do I spend this same time glorifying God and His work? Or do I glorify myself?

What have you done with the talents God gave you? Buried it in the ground so you can pursue your own interests or worked to increase the Lord's possessions?

Authenticity, Sincerity, and Jennifer Knapp

I just read this interview yesterday and have been mulling it over since.

Since we all come from similar church backgrounds, I suspect that we all would tend to react in similar ways to an artist coming out of the closet. So this isn't a post about homosexuality and the church as much as it's a post about Jennifer Knapp. Mostly.

Some of you who know me well know that most Christian music at best bores me, and at worst infuriates me. There are plenty of exceptions, of course--my music library is stuffed full of albums I've listened to so much that the original CDs are hardly playable anymore--but in general my attitude toward Christian music is one of frustration. Frustration, because of how predictable it is. Frustration, because of how uncreative most of it sounds. Frustration, because, for a genre that professes to claim truth as its core value, so much of it comes across as insincere (or, if sincere, then sincerely out of touch).

But I always liked Jennifer Knapp. She was one of the better songwriters out there trying to fill the void left by the passing of Rich Mullins--"Undo Me" is a classic--and as I've gotten older, and come to appreciate folk and alt-folk music in a deeper way, my appreciation for her music has only grown.

So I count it as very good news that she's making music again, even if I doubt any of it will play in Christian music circles.

Which leads me to the discussion topic of the day. I know a lot of people who have been touched, encouraged, and convicted by her music (including me). I also know people who won't listen to her music again, because she's gay. I know that most of us value things like authenticity in our music, especially in Christian music, and Jennifer Knapp has long been one of those artists who has managed to write and play and perform with that sort of authenticity.

I can't imagine that any of the churches we've been to (or go to) would hold up Knapp, now, as a model of sincere faith and integrity... but there's a big part of me that finds that attitude to be problematic. Was it better when we didn't know she was gay? Was it more authentic and sincere then? What's the line we draw for our inspiration as followers of Jesus?

This is more of a discussion topic, like I said, than a question I want the answer to. I know, for me--and the extent to which this is true is an idiosyncrasy of mine--there is a broad array of things that have influenced my faith, and taught me about Jesus, and love, and grace, and compassion, and everything else. "Broad" meaning, truly, broad, coming from so many strange and unlikely sources, none of which I would throw out or wish to take back. I know, I'm a little (or more than a little) strange, but the arc of my life has always bent towards Jesus, and the things that have pointed me in that direction are sometimes spiritual, sometimes secular; sometimes beautiful, sometimes horrible; sometimes transcendent, sometimes simple; sometimes gentle, sometimes violent. I've been shaped by Henri Nouwen and C.S. Lewis and Rich Mullins, yes, but also by Nabokov and Dostoevsky and Dali and Picasso and T.S. Eliot and The Smashing Pumpkins and Nas. I've learned about freedom and lightness from Italo Calvino and Gabriel Garcia Marquez, about beauty and creativity from Christian Bok and Kim Hyesoon, about mercy from Paul Farmer, about integrity from bell hooks.

And, ultimately, this is how I interact with God: seeing him defined in (or in contrast to) the world around me, and coming to grips with both my own understanding and my own lack of understanding; seeing both his clarity and his mystery in those same things.

I'm just curious as to how the rest of you navigate the issue of inspiration, and all of those things, as it intersects with people and things that would be condemned by the church.

Who are you, really?!

Mind what people do, not only what they say, for deeds will betray a lie.

Soul of the Fire by Terry Goodkind. page 205


This concept has been on my heart alot lately as I consider how much I condemn and judge others. I realize I need to sharpening other Christians in truth, but I am commanded not to judge them or non-christians and it is better for my personal health/spirit/heart/soul when I give mercy instead of condemnation. There is one judge and lawgiver and I am not He.

I need to be more like Christ. Juan 8. Neither do I condemn you.

I need to challenge people to leave their lives of sin, to flee from evil and to do good! They need love and mercy, because when they are broken, alone, and desperate for help, they need to be fed by the Lord.

Right along the idea of putting your money where your mouth is. My deeds dictate the truth of who I am.
Your actions, not your feelings, speak the truth of your intent.
Naked Empire, by Terry Goodkind. pg. 402

So I told my Spanish teacher..

To put his money where his mouth is. Profesor, por favor pone su dinero donde su boca esta.

Long story short.. he preaches something that he does not live. After pointing this out to him, I realized more importantly I need to do that too. I definitely need to stop condemning and being critical to others, and start changing my own life.

I realized that I need to continue to challenge myself to serve one master. Reality: I serve many idols. Especially money. Our whole culture is centered on money. I too often forget what I look like in the mirror and instead, worry about what others are doing or about what is the best way for me to get money. I wish I were a freaking sparrow-then all I would do is fly around enjoying the sweet beautiful sky and be careless about everything. Cause the sparrow just lives!

I pursue my agenda. I realized this is my biggest sin. I do not feed his sheep. I feed me. I don't serve the King.

I want to be blameless, upright, fear God and turn away from evil.
Now I just need to put my money where my mouth is.
Where is your money?

Evil for evil

I have had my eyes opened to the importance of loving people like Christ loved us.

A friend of mine here in Costa Rica, una estadounidense(US citizen), was taking a taxi home one day and the taxi driver took this opportunity to harass and take advantage of a customer. He tried to charge her 18 mil ($40), saying it was because of how late at night it is and its a special rate, for a taxi ride that should have cost 5 mil ($10). Each taxi has a meter, that he had convenient turned off once she got out of the taxi, that records the cost of the taxi ride and being that she did not pay attention to the meter when she got out of the taxi she was in a bind. She only had 8 mil on her and the taxi driver suggested she give him a kiss to make up for the rest. She was very embarassed, uncomfortable, and resentful of the treatment she was receiving. Which we all would be in that situation. She paid him the 8 mil and hurried inside, very upset and furious over the actions of the taxi driver. She did not look at his taxi number and thus was unable to report his behavior to the company.

However, on a return trip from 2 different weekend trips that Krystle and I made with her we ran into this same taxi driver. Each time this girl started into a rant about how horrible this person is and all the things she wish she could do to him in return for the evil he showed her.

I am live in the same boat. Somebody wrongs me, my first response is to wrong them back; pay back evil for evil. Lately, I have been reading scriptures on the importance of serving, accepting suffering-even praising the Lord for them, and loving your neighbor as yourself. These scriptures are difficult to apply in certain circumstances, especially when my perspective is not aligned with the LORD's will. Scripture does not say, love your neighbor the same way they love you. It says God is the Judge, He will repay; but I don't really live this or model this truth to others. The logic of Christ does not agree with the logic of the world. Jesus says serve others regardless; the world say get yours even at the expense of others.

I have the opportunity to show what the love of Christ looks like. So far I'd say I've failed; I have not honored Krystle as I should, I have not served her, been kind to her at all times-especially in front of this friend, who has watched my behavior and seen behavior contrary to truth. I need to rededicate myself because I am not even loving those closest to me with the love of Christ, let alone a stranger.

The Hymn Of Christ

Over spring break I read Humility and Absolute Surrender by Andrew Murray. To give an account to the profound nature of both of these books I would create two more blogs for each of them, which, with the current demands of Mesa Community College, Terralever, Freelancing, Family and VI ministries, time is not permitting. I absolutely recommend that if given the opportunity, you should spend some quality time going through each of these works. Having said this, I do still want to focus on one of the practical ways in which God has been teaching me what it looks like for me to absolutely surrender myself to him and to serve Him in humility.

Now, I have come to realize over the past couple of months that I have a strong control and approval idol. An idol is anything I value or glorify more than God (Exodus 20:3-6), the possessions and values I build my life and heart around. Whatever it is, at the center of my life that draws all of my other identities together. Which, for me is approval, I have a huge desire to make others happy, and I absolutely long to make people laugh, often at the stake of my own character. Now this has become even strong lately, I have become almost desperate to make people enjoy my company. Essentially what I have done is I have said to God; “Father, the feelings I get from being pursued and being approved of from people within my community are greater than the love I receive from you. I’m going to let them determine the credibility and value of my life and worry about you later.” Some might interject and say, “How is this a bad thing? Didn’t your creator make you to love on people in your community, make people laugh and bring joy to their lives?” Absolutely, I know that God created me to love people within my community and make people laugh. That’s not what is at stake here. My fault is I have taken the value I receive from relationships and placed them higher than my Creator. Essentially I have taken what is certainly a good thing and turned it into an ultimate thing. The personality and gifts God has blessed me with to contribute to my community are a good thing but they become an ultimate thing when my acceptance and approval (as well as rejection and disapproval) are the things that control my heart.

Over the last two weeks this has been especially difficult, I have been trying to understand how I interpret rejection and understand how I feel valued. For example; if I don’t call someone to make plans with them all week, will they notice my absence and quickly rectify the situation by reaching out to me? Or is that relationship based solely on the effort that I put into it. Have I put in daily effort into building a relationship only to be met with “I don’t have time for you.” Having invested myself into a relationship that I thought too perfect to fail, whose eventual collapse and rejection have had affects have been far more heartfelt and overwhelming then I ever could have possibly imagined. The pain felt from such a loss is absolutely devastating. Why is this true?

I’m not serving others not doing it for the sake of doing it otherwise it wouldn’t hurt. It only hurts when you view yourself with pride. It’s understanding, why do I love people? Is it because I am looking for the reciprocated emotion in others, or because I want to develop love as a characteristic of myself that is unwavering and not based upon others response to me. The argument, “I’m not going to love you if you’re not going to love me” is not only childish but is contradictory to the faith we profess. Christ first loved us, therefor we love others. My love isn’t the reflection of other people, instead, it’s the reflection of my ever-loving heavenly Father.

Now, my desire for approval has become so strong that I place value for myself in people whom I should never be seeking to fulfill me in the first place. Hope comes from the gospel. My creator loved me so infinitely that he sacrificed his only son so that I might have an intimate and personal relationship with him for eternity unobscured by my wretchedly sinful nature by the blood of Christ. Hope in anything else is unfounded. Security and identity is shouldn’t be on hard work or self-justification, but on the gracious love that God has for me. When my eyes are open, and I realize I have faith in a God who has counted every hair on my head (Matthew 10), has knit me in my mothers womb (Psalm 139) and has counted every tear that has run down down my cheek (Psalm 56). My identity then doesn’t come from the world, but from my loving Father and heavenly creator. How can anything else matter?

“So if there is any encouragement in Christ, any comfort from love, any participation in the Spirit, any affection and sympathy, complete my joy by being of the same mind, having the same love, being in full accord and of one mind. Do nothing from rivalry or l conceit, but in m humility count others more significant than yourselves. Let each of you look not only to his own interests, but also to the interests of others. Have this mind among yourselves, which is yours in Christ Jesus, who, though he was in the form of God, did not count equality with God a thing to be grasped, buts made himself nothing, taking the form of a servant, being born in the likeness of men. And being found in human form, he humbled himself becoming obedient to the point of death, even death on a cross. Therefore God has highly exalted him and bestowed on him the name that is above every name, so that at the name of Jesus every knee should bow, in heaven and on earth and under the earth, and every tongue confess that Jesus Christ is Lord, to the glory of God the Father.” - Apostle Paul’s letter to the church in Philippi

Last summer in preparation for the poland trip, our team memorized Philippians 2. Until reading humility, I never really understood the depth of this verse. Any understanding I have of the humility of Christ is incomplete, the humility shown by Jesus is simply incomprehensible. Although, it’s obvious that love I have shown is controlling, manipulative and approval based, while the love described in Philippians is sacrificial, humble and unconditional.

How do I invest time, energy, resources and emotion into people without placing part of my heart and value into that person. I think it comes from a better understanding of Philippians 2, I’m not serving to glorify myself, I’m serving to glorify God by holding others higher than myself. As soon as I start to expect something in return out of others then I am no longer loving them for merely for themselves. Do I love other because they reciprocate that feeling or because it’s a characteristic I long to see developing in myself because of the sacrifice that Christ made for m?. Murry writes that; Our lowliness isn't a posture we assume only in his presence, at church or in prayer, but it is the very spirit of life, it will manifest itself in all our bearing toward our brothers. I long to be valued by others and have my emotions nurtures and poured into. At the same time, for me to be counting the value I receive from them reveals how dependent my relationships are on the action or approval of others. This isn’t the kind of love that Christ is talking about at all. This could just be a level of pride manifesting itself through relationships and gripping my heart. The humility I show towards my brothers is even more important because it reveals my true nature (1 John 4:20). It’s clear that a life lived without love is surely meaningless (1 Corinthians 13). Not that I have been able to achieve any of the humility described in this post, merely that this has been a mirror to the wretched, selfish and prideful life I have lived. Only by the grace of God can I pursue humility.

Murry illustrates 2 Phillipians in his description of humility; The humble man looks upon every child of God-even the feeblest and unworthiest and honors him and prefers him in honor as the son of a king. True humility comes through the mindset that we are all murderers and whores, and it is only by the radically extravagant grade of God that we have been saved. Forgive as Christ forgave you. In this we make room for Christ to prove His power. This is the Hymn Of Christ.

He is Risen..

Praise God today, cause He is the LORD of Lords and the KING of Kings!!! His reign is eternal!